Memorable quotes from "The Bed Sitting Room" courtesy of Phespirit:
The Bed Sitting Room (1969)
This bleakest of post-apocalyptic black comedies takes place on the third (or is it the fourth?) anniversary of the nuclear misunderstanding which lead to the Third World War - at two minutes twenty-eight seconds, the very shortest war in history.
The twenty people known to be left alive in England must now 'keep moving' aimlessly through a ravaged landscape and an assortment of highly surreal encounters.
Amidst the madness, Lord Fortnum must try to reach Belgravia before mutating into a bed-sitting room, Penelope is pregnant with a child she's carried for seventeen months (to protect it from the world), Bules Martin fears for his virility, and Mrs Ethel Shroake has inherited the throne.
[ Phespirit enjoys: No belly laughs, just pure, unfettered Milligan weirdness. Immaculately played out by an assortment of Britain's finest straight and comic actors and actresses. Sadly, the brilliant Ralph Richardson mutates into a bed sitting room far too early in the film. ]
Players
Ralph Richardson - Lord Fortnum of Alamein;Michael Horden - Bules Martin;Arthur Lowe - Father;Mona Washbourne - Mother;Rita Tushingham - Penelope;Spike Milligan - Mate;Marty Feldman - Nurse Arthur;Peter Cook - Police Inspector;Dudley Moore - Sergeant;Jack Shepherd - Under Water Vicar;Ronald Fraser - The Army;
Quotes
SERGEANT:
Constable, liven that man up with your truncheon!
FATHER:
He tied his thumbs up with string and exposed himself for a limited period between Bagshot and Camberley.
BULES MARTIN:
Was that you, sir? A post-war gesture, I suppose. I hope you destroyed the string .....
UNDER WATER VICAR:
Just a thought - have you considered the new economical combined marriage and divorce ceremony? Three pounds one shilling. Catholics extra.
BULES MARTIN:
No, we couldn't afford the divorce just now. She'll have to be satisfied with the wedding.
MATE:
'Ere, are you the bloke-, er, officer what was in charge of the nuclear detergent in the last atomic war?
THE ARMY:
I am he.
MATE:
Bad news - it has been returned to sender and there's three and nine to pay on it in Chinese dollars.
POLICE INSPECTOR:
I expect you may be wondering why I've invited you all here this afternoon. I've just come from an audience with Her Majesty, Mrs Ethel Shroake, and I'm empowered by her to tell you that, in the future, clouds of poisonous nuclear fog will no longer be necessary. Mutations will cease sine die and, furthermore, I'm the bringer of glad tidings. A team of surgeons at the Woolwich hospital have just accomplished the world's first successful complete body transplant. The donor was the entire population of South Wales, and the new body is functioning normally. I, myself, saw it sit up in bed, wink, and ask for a glass of beer.All in all, I think we're in for a time of peace, prosperity and stability, when the earth will burgeon forth anew, the lion will lie down with the lamb, and the goat will give suck to the tiny bee.At times of great national emergency, you'll often find that a new leader tends to emerge. Here I am - so watch it. Keep moving, everybody, that's the spirit! Keep moving!
*****
